Into the woods
I wasn’t so much hiding from Death
As walking with it
I had turned my back on the horrors of humanity
The pain and cruelty
Everything that wanted forgiveness
I protected myself from the indescribable grief and shame
Not mine
And Death told me that it had my back
It was directing me carefully through the woods
Away from all this
Guiding me
Navigating through the brambles and the thorns
Avoiding the shadows
Where the demons hid
And I was grateful
As long as this worked I was OK
I knew that eventually
Death would lead me to the light
It would take me back home
I trusted that
It always had done
But somewhere in my being
I was getting tired of this journey
I had walked this path many times
And it was becoming unbearable
Too Familiar
I had been here before
Over and over again
I had a memory of it
There must be something else
I knew that on the outskirts of these brambles and thorny woods
Was something else
Another choice
Open space
Full of possibility
But Death told me that it was unsafe
It was unpredictable
It didn’t lead anywhere
So I stayed on the path with Death
Trusting
Interminably
Waiting for death to lead me home
It was a path full of fear
I had to keep my eyes on the road
I must not veer from the path
The demons lurked in the shadows at the edge of the path
No choices
No colour
Don’t take a risk
In my peripheral vision
On the outskirts
I knew I had turned my back on something
That kept calling me
I was curious
I feel such deep sadness
I felt such Shame for having turned my back
I felt such longing for the open space
But on I went relentlessly trusting Death
He would take me there
But we must not veer from the path
I kept hearing the song of the open fields
Catching a glimpse of the rainbow in the sky above
So I prayed for someone to come and get me
Then one day Life found me
It lit up the woods
It exposed the demons in the shadows
And it forced me to look
It would not lead me from the woods until I knew them intimately
I didn’t need saving from them
I needed a different kind of guide
Life held my hand
It asked me to explore every dark crevice
It didn’t always ask nicely
It plummeted me into the darkness
Until I was brave enough to walk into unknown places
With no hands to hold mine
Just trust
Only then could the wildflowers start to grow in the forest
Only then could the creatures of the forest come back to life
Then there was no difference from the forest and the wide open spaces
Two landscapes
Each as beautiful and full of promise as the other
One offering shelter and rest
One offering possibility, creativity and vitality
Free to explore both
To come and go
To choose my own path
To include it all
Until there was no path
No need to journey
I was home